Army pilots have a luxury bathroom

A more comfortable bathroom than in your own house

Luxury and army hardly go well together but this time, a group of warrant officers at Joint Base Lewis-McChord in Washington earned popularity after their hangar bathroom was posted on the Facebook page U.S. Army WTF Moments.

Many of the comforts soldiers have come to know and love about most Army bathrooms are missing from the 2-158 Assault Helicopter Battalion latrine: the familiar washed-out glow of flickering fluorescent lights; rusty, broken hand soap dispensers; suspicious puddles; and stained ceiling tiles.

Instead, they have a sort of lounge with paintings on the wall, numerous hand soaps, and air fresheners, pretty much what a wet, angry, freezing-cold infantryman stranded imagines those darn pilots have. There’s a putt-putt green, a taupe backsplash, and a CD clock radio playing classic rock.

As reported in an interview, the soldier, a former army NCO who worked for an international luxury hotel company, is a member of the 16th Combat Aviation Brigade chief warrant officer 2 who oversaw the operation.

“I used to regularly use a granite countertop bathroom with an individual stall that had linen towels and running water, you know, all those types of things that you take for granted working in a place like that”, he said. “And then I joined the [infantry]”.

During his phone interview, the now-warrant officer, a Black Hawk pilot, requested anonymity so that the press piece about his unit’s opulent bathrooms won’t be in sight.

“I don’t want to be known as the bathroom guy for the rest of my career”, he confessed. “But this whole idea of trying to make this place a little bit nicer each day, and maybe the next guys get to enjoy it after my group phases out of here, it’s been a really cool thing”.

This would not have been conceivable in his previous military unit, because somebody would find a way to break everything, he explained.

Capt. Kyle Abraham, the brigade’s public affairs officer, doesn’t care about remaining anonymous. The latrine, he said, is “what can happen when soldiers have pride in the unit and pride in where they work”.

The effort began last fall when the battalion’s pilot mafia realized they’d been spoilt by visits to high-end facilities at neighboring regional airports.

“They’ve got people flying in and out of there with private jets”, explained the warrant officer. “And then you got all these grubby Army guys coming in and out, drinking all their coffee and eating their snack stuff”.

But they have two rules, he said: the first is that “We should have nice things, too… [but] everything that goes in the bathroom, it has to be free”. And the second is that “It has to be classy”, said the pilot. In fact, he rejected a few pieces because they didn’t fit the ambiance that they were attempting to create, he added.

“Somebody wanted to put a wicker chair in there, and that was absolutely a no-go”, he explained. “It looked like cheap patio furniture, and we weren’t going to have that in there”.

According to the warrant officer, the project’s only opponent is the brigade’s former command sergeant major.

“He did exactly what you think a brigade sergeant major would do”, explained the pilot. “He turned the [fluorescent] lights back on, and immediately within minutes, the next guy that walks in would automatically turn the lights off”.

According to him, the fight lasted roughly a month. But every time he comes in, “in the last three or fours months… everything is just the way it’s supposed to be, music on, lights off, lamps glowing and everything peaceful”, he added.

Meanwhile, one of the battalion’s standardization pilots was formally assigned as the facility’s “janitorial executive”, in charge of drafting the cleaning duty roster, which is controlled by warrant officers. Soldiers use this bathroom on a regular basis, according to both the warrant officer and Abraham.

According to Abraham, because the hangar where the latrine is housed in one of the brigade’s newest buildings, it frequently hosts standing meetings, special events, and notable visitors.

“Anybody from the newest private on post up to the [I Corps] commander can use the bathroom,” the warrant officer said, “it’s not a warrant officer-only lounge or anything like that”. He also mentioned that some of the post’s general officers have visited, and his brigade commander has given the facility a fantastic evaluation.

When asked about the next planned upgrade, the pilot revealed the unit is attempting to create a CD library for the clock radio as well as a tiny shelf to store them.

“So anybody who’s willing to donate a CD, maybe like an old Kenny G CD or something like that, that would be appropriate”, he said.

When asked if he has any moral qualms about potentially igniting a restroom weapons race, the pilot said he hasn’t “lost sleep over this”.

“There would be worse arms races out there”, he said. “If anything, it’s only going to have a positive effect on the aviation community”.

A nice toilet is always the basis of good living together.

Photos by Capt. Kyle Abraham/Army